Bindle (the Elf in Exile)
by Evan Merida
Got laid off from the workshop last year
After a series of North Pole budget cuts.
January brings with it my worst fear;
It’s when the local mall Santas all disappear…
It’s not so easy being 3-foot-1,
And the trade of toy assembly ain’t all that fun.
I’ve been jumpin’ job to job in this shopping mall for a while.
After you trash your Christmas tree,
I beg you to take me seriously.
I’m a warrior from the workshop living in exile.
Fired from the pretzel stand
When I filled the salt shakers with candy sprinkles.
Applied to become a security man,
But when your name is Bindle Swizzlestick,
Well – you know how that goes.
They won’t hire me again at the pet store
After a well-intentioned family thought I was for sale.
Escorted off the premises
When I tried to sell womens’ evening wear.
Don’t you want to sit on a fat man’s lap on Valentine’s Day?
Or taste/have a candy cane on the Fourth of July?
They’re red and white…and I am blue.
I’m not tall enough to reach the sunglasses
And my feet make me an awful shoe salesperson.
Instead of romping ’round chimney tops
I’ve been passed out drunk in shopping carts.